


Being Tired Is Being Energized

by UndervaluedAgent



Category: The Realicide (Webseries)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Sleep Deprivation, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:53:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24896503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UndervaluedAgent/pseuds/UndervaluedAgent
Summary: Ingsoc has to watch the citizens. He cannot sleep. He has to stay awake to make sure the proles behave.
Relationships: Ingsoc/Egoist
Comments: 11
Kudos: 59





	Being Tired Is Being Energized

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: I wrote this while in a sleep-deprived state, so this is likely not my best work.

_ Sleepiness is...wakeyness? _

_ Tiredness is energizedness? _

_ I don't know, I'm too tired or energized or sleepy or wakey for this. _

The confused and tired doublethink mantras ran through Ingsoc's head as he checked on the security cameras yet again. He needed to make sure the proles were still acting as a productive citizenry should. He had to do it. Him being sleep-deprived was conducive to a productive citizenry. It was, even if it didn't feel like it at all.

Ingsoc really didn't know why he had to continue doing this. He probably could leave members of the Party to watch over the citizens, but how could he be sure that they would stay attended to that? He needed to stay up and be sure that nothing fell apart during the night.

Ingsoc went to check on a camera once more, but he couldn't remember if he had actually looked at the last one. He could barely keep his eyes open, and he could barely think straight. Being out of it was not conducive to a productive citizenry when it was Ingsoc or the Party. It was better than leaving it entirely, however.

A sob threatened to escape from his lips. He couldn't stand being awake. He just wanted to sleep. But a feeling of dread gnawed at Ingsoc. Something bad could happen to the citizens or the Party if he went to sleep. He wanted to sleep, but he couldn't. He had to stay awake if he wanted society to function.

_ Tiredness is awakeness. _

_ Sleepiness is energizing. _

_ Something like that. Maybe. _

Ingsoc's doublethink was feeble due to his weakened mental state, so he struggled to delude himself. He knew he couldn't go on like this, but he didn't think he could give up without risking everything falling apart. But had he even checked the cameras in the last couple of minutes, or had he been zoned out? This wasn't good or productive. Ingsoc needed his mind to be strong to overpower the proles, and he needed to sleep in order for that to happen. But he couldn't sleep. What if someone tried to rebel as soon as he went to bed? He had to keep going. No matter that he was crying out of frustration by then and could barely see the cameras anyways. He had to stay up.

A knock sounded at the door. It sounded familiar. It was English---wait, no, that wasn't the name. It was Egoist. How could he forget his boyfriend's name? He really needed to sleep.

"Come in," Ingsoc said through a yawn.

The door swung open and Egoist walked in. Ingsoc turned to face him, noting that he was wearing a pajama shirt that seemed to have his own face printed on it. Ingsoc would have rolled his eyes if it wasn't already enough of a struggle to keep them open.

"I heard you crying, and it seems that you being upset is very much not in my self-interest. Do you mind telling me what's wrong?" Egoist asked, a concerned frown replacing his usual smirk.

Ingsoc's sleep-deprived mind wasn't able to filter out the comment, "Egoist caring about someone's wellbeing. I didn't think...I didn't think you would."

"It does not please my ego to see you upset. Therefore, I am still acting selfishly if I express concern for you. Now do you mind telling me what's wrong?" Egoist asked once again.

"...I'm so tired. Being sleep-deprived is detrimental to a productive citizenry, at least for me, but I need to make sure the proles don't get up to anything. This...I'm so tired, but I'm scared. I'm failing at my job, though the proles can't know that. Society could fall apart if I sleep, and it could if I don't," Ingsoc admitted. He would never normally admit any weakness, but he felt safe confiding in Egoist, and he could barely filter his words anyways.

Egoist raised his eyebrow and said, "Well, if you're screwed either way, you might as well do what seems to be in your self-interest and go and sleep. Besides, don't you have other members in your 'Party' who can take over?"

Ingsoc shook his head and replied, "And how do I know that they won't give up while I sleep?"

"That 'Party' you talk about sounds like all they ever do is surveillance, torture, and take freedom away. I don't think you need to worry," Egoist said, in a comforting tone despite the words of slander.

Ingsoc decided not to tell Egoist that these were good things, and he instead quietly said, "...Can we cuddle? It might help me finally sleep."

"Cuddling does please my ego. Of course," Egoist responded, grabbing Ingsoc's hand, then pausing. "...Are you going to leave those screens on?"

"I always do. If I notice something in the night, I get up and check it," Ingsoc replied.

"How do you ever get to sleep?" Egoist questioned, proceeding to switch off the screens. "Those other guys you talk about will take care of it if there's a problem."

Ingsoc felt the dread creeping back in at the thought of not being able to open his eyes and check the cameras. Nevertheless, he followed Egoist as he led Ingsoc to the bed, and crawled into it alongside him. Egoist took off his glasses and placed them on the nightstand, and he wrapped his arms around Ingsoc, who wrapped his own around Egoist and pulled him closer in response.

Ingsoc began to relax into Egoist's touch, and his mind wandered away from the citizens. He started to just think about how nice it felt to cuddle Egoist, and he relaxed even further. He finally managed to fall asleep only a few minutes later, knowing that his boyfriend was safe beside him, and therefore feeling that things would be okay.


End file.
